I just dont know.

im not gonna bold or do anything with this post. lol. ahhhh so.... since this is my little therapy thing imma vent. its time to.

so i hate being the one who helps people. and who everyone relys on to be there. but when im in need of someone to just ask whats wrong? or are you ok? or even be there to listen to me they dont. no ones ever there. we talk about their problems then theyre done talking to me. i just dont get it. i really dont. ive been trying to understand for so long. and ive told myself so many times that i wasnt gonna be that person anymore. but it just never works. maybe its my personality. its a part of who iam. but like i need to stop it. i just dont know how.

so kelli. my ex. the one i mentioned in a previous post. her and her girlfriend were fighting tonight. chelsea [the gf] read messages on kellis myspace. and told kelli that she did it. me and kelli had trust issues. and kelli knows its not good for a relationship. but all she says is i know. i tried helping her. she said i know. thats all she said. maybe thats all she could say. but like 4 years going through the trust shit you would think shed learn. but she hasnt apparently. she puts up her defense and blames the other person. and says she cant trust them. well in my opinion chelsea had every right to do it. cauz kelli hides shit. shes always been that way. so i dont blame chelsea. the one message she read was from me. cauz kelli was telling me that she wants us to be back together and she knows what she has to do and shit. so i told kelli in the message to write to me her reasons why her mind changed. and chelsea read it. soooooooo now chelsea wont talk to me. its not a loss to me. but she is blaming me obviously for what she read. she doesnt see that kelli was the one talking to me about it. her girlfriend was saying it to an ex. that shits not my fault. like people are so fucking retarded. i just cant stand it. and kelli said to chelsea..... this makes me not wanna talk to jamie cauz im afraid youll find out. and all we talk about is me working and shit. like thats a fucking lie. this makes me doubt me and kellis friendship the same fucking way i doubted our relationship. she does not fucking get it!